Once Upon a Friendship...

Back in high school, I had a best friend named Carla. She was two years older than me. I think we were so close because we both came from broken families and could relate to each other's pain. It wasn't the healthiest basis for a friendship, but we really loved each other. After she left for college I didn't hear from her for a long time. I thought she'd forgotten about me. We spent time together over her winter break, but then when she went back to school I became invisible again. It made me feel horrible, but I never told her. She knew me so well, couldn't she see how she was hurting me? I guess she couldn't.

By the time I left for college it had been years since we'd seen one another. We both found other friends and had our own lives, our own separate lives. I met someone, fell in love and got engaged. I thought about Carla every once in a while and looked at her facebook page. She seemed so happy in her life without me. I was doing fine without her. When it came time to send out wedding invitations I kept the one I intended to send her. I was afraid she wouldn't come. I didn't want to be rejected again. It was a decision I would come to regret.

A few months after the wedding I got a message from Carla. It was short and direct: "Pretty sad I never got an invite." I realized that I had hurt her in the same way that she had hurt me. She had seen our wedding pictures, the ones with us celebrating with our new friends from college. Now she was feeling rejected, replaced. How could I have done this to her? It was so thoughtless of me.

Today I asked her to forgive me. I don't know if she is capable of that yet. I don't think I would be. I just hope that my past actions have not lead her to question her worth. Her friendship was the most precious thing I've ever known. She will always be dear to me.

Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Today I began re-reading one of my favorite books by Elisabeth Elliot. It's a book that she wrote to her daughter right after her now son-in-law asked permission for her daughter's hand in marriage. One quote that caught my eye is this:

         "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."

Elisabeth was made a widow, and a single mother at a very young age. Before she married, mission-work separated her from her love for five years, and the quote above is something her husband wrote to her during that period of time. She saw it as a challenge to "thank God for what he had given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it."

Right now I feel as if I am in a waiting room. I'm waiting to graduate from college, waiting to start a career, waiting to have a child. Why do I put my head and my heart's focus on tomorrow when today is spectacular. A time will come when I remember this snapshot of our lives, and I'll yearn to go back. This instance may seem hectic to the present me, but the future me will have her hands full. I know I'll reflect on these days as peaceful ones.

I'm afraid I've been missing the very point of living. I wonder how I can begin to fully appreciate what God has given me today, without considering tomorrow.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Sweet Child of Mine,

I keep dreaming about you. And you're all I can think about these days...

I have always wanted to be someone's mommy. And last week, I thought my time had finally come. I was late... I mean really late. I started hoping and praying so much that I would be pregnant. I don't think I've ever wanted something so desperately before in my life (except maybe my husband on our wedding night) ! I started reading this book called What to Expect When You're Expecting... and I was sure I had nearly all the tale-tale signs of being with-child. I guess I let my hopes cloud my vision a bit, because I took a home pregnancy test on Valentine's Day and the results broke my heart. 

My husband wants children too... and I know he'll be a terrific dad. It's just hard to keep on going after these past few failed attempts. I get these thoughts that maybe I can't conceive, thats its my fault. I worry that I'm failing Brandon as a wife. I know it takes most people around 6 months to get pregnant, but this last false alarm just seemed so real. 

I know I'll be a mom one day, and I can hardly wait. I'm trusting the Lord for his good and perfect timing (and praying that he'll see that my timing would be pretty cool too). It's tough being patient for this baby.... but baby, I know when you get here I'm gonna love you so much more than I love you now... which is crazy because the mere idea of you fills up my heart to overflowing. Come home soon, okay?

Meet the Wife

Hey, I'm Bailey. I married Brandon last August and this is my first blog.... ever! I wanted to start documenting our lives together, the challenging parts, the blessings, so that one day I can introduce my kids to the woman I was when I married their father. I wish I knew more about my mother's past because the past can be such a great predictor of the future. Mostly, I started this blog to inspire young wives that troubled times may come and go, but that their relationships (with their husbands and families) are the most important thing in life.

To date, I have been married for 6 months and hold a part time job while attending a university as a full time student. My husband graduated with two degrees last May and manages a small sub shop in town. We live in a very rural area. This is a university town and we are surrounded by twenty-somethings... its not all its cracked up to be. Brandon and I live in a studio apartment right behind the college and its getting so cramped. I know by the time our lease is up we will be more than ready for a bigger place... but for now, it works!

Well, it was great meeting you!