An Unexpected Saturday

Brandon told me on Friday that he would have Saturday off of work. I was so excited because for once we didn't have plans or obligations. We could spend our Saturday in whatever way we wanted! It was perfectly unexpected.

We slept in, but only until around 9am, so it was still early enough to enjoy the coolness of the morning. I remembered how Brandon mentioned a few weeks ago that he wanted us to go running together, so I asked him to come to campus with me and do a few laps. We ended up walking most of it, but it was a beautiful morning and it was so nice to take a stroll and catch up. It's funny that we have to make time to catch up when we live together, but that's how it works when you start working full time.

After our walk Brandon surprised me. He lead me to our car and opened the trunk. He had brought along a book we've been reading together and our new hammock (which we've both been dying to try out). We strung it up by the river and enjoyed the breeze.

We both started getting hungry around eleven, it must have been that strenuous run we took ; )
So we headed for the apartment to make some lunch. Afterwards we decided to shampoo the carpet in our new used-car. We cleaned for several hours and felt pretty pleased with ourselves. We decided that our great efforts had earned a trip to the movies and a dinner date. We went to the matinee and enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean over a large Dr. Pepper.

It seemed too early to have dinner so Brandon suggested that we head to Dillsboro, the next town over, and walk around. It ended up being pretty cool because the town was putting on some sort of collaborated event. All of the shops were open and there was live music and free samples of some really great food. We found a new kitchen store that we had never noticed before. After that we went to dinner and then called it a night.

It might sound dorky, but this was the highlight of my week! We didn't do anything spectacular or go anywhere romantic, but we didn't need to in order to have a great time. I love spending time with this guy, no matter where we are or what we're doing. He rocks, and I adore him.

Yep, that's my man!

My first job as a graduate!

I graduated from college a few days ago. Its been a long road, but I'm glad I took it. My boss offered me a position with our company as a temporary employee (until our lease expires and we move closer to family). I have never known our company to transition a student worker into a temporary before, and I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. I found out today that my new job title is "Receptionist for the Department of Residential Living at WCU." My duties have not changed at all, as I was already performing these tasks in order to maintain good customer relations. My supervisor also explained that I would not be able to maintain my previous pay grade. I assumed it was due to the raise I got last year (a quarter more an hour) and that I would be returning to minimum wage. She explained that I would now be making somewhere between $3-4 more. Is it professional to turn bright red and yell "OH MY GOODNESS!" in the workplace? Either way, I did it! She knows my situation well, so she laughed and said she was glad it didn't hurt my feelings too bad.

I asked God to provide a boat so I could get across the tossing sea. He said no, and then parted the waters. I marvel at the work of His hand as I walk past walls of ocean with feet on dry land...

The Lord who Heals

My neck started hurting around nine months ago. At first I just thought it was a pulled muscle, but it never recovered. It seemed like such a small thing to go to the doctor about, so I didn't. In spite of taking it easy, my neck hurt more and more. In the past few weeks it has gotten to the point where I cannot lay down and then sit up without cradling the back of my neck with my hands. It felt so weak, like a twig that would snap in half if any weight was applied. I have become so frustrated with the way this injury inhibits my everyday activities. Even leaning into the washing machine to retrieve laundry has been agonizing. But today, everything changed.

Until now I've never known the Lord as Great Physician. That was just a name without any personal meaning to me. This morning my neck popped and I was healed. I wish I could tell you that I had faithfully prayed for this miraculous relief, but I didn't. The truth is, I settled with the pain. The weird part is that my neck pops several times a day, but on this particular morning, I knew the Lord's hand was on me. I can't explain it, I just knew without even testing it, that I had been healed. I thanked God for this blessing and went about my day performing normal activities that were once difficult, with such ease. What a relief it is to bend over and pack my book bag without any ache, or read my text book without any strain.

Exodus 15:26
"...For I am the Lord who heals you."


Jeremiah 17:14
"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise."

When I wish upon a star, this is what I wish for.

Today I caught a beautiful glance of what life will be like when I can be more of a wife, and not a full time student. I finished up my Law class last week so for the next month I only have seven classes (which is two more courses than the average student's load). I actually had free time tonight, so guess what we did! We sat around in pajamas and played video games and it was great! I had no homework hanging over my head, for the first time in months. We had no plans with other couples or church activities, it was just "us time." I love spending time with Brandon. I really miss out on this when I'm buried under projects and studying. It's having a heavy influence on my plans for grad school. Do I really want another two years of our marriage to be treated with such neglect? Absolutely not. He deserves so much more from me. So as far as I am concerned, my decision is made. Besides, what value does another diploma hold when prospective employers already believe me to be overqualified. No more school after this degree, give me family.

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it."
-- George Moore (Irish Novelist)

A Misconception

Your mother never knew you, but you knew her. You heard her laugh, you felt her joy, and she had big plans for you. She wanted to keep you healthy, she wanted to keep you safe. She wrapped her arms around you as you rested in your place. You were so small, but your mother felt you move. You were quiet, but you were there, and your mother knew. You were her first, you changed her life, just the thought of you.

She ate right, she worked out, she read books to you, and sang songs. Hadn't she followed the rules to the letter? She blames herself, she cries out to God with all that is left inside her. Hadn't she prayed over you? Waiting so patiently for your conception? And waiting again for your arrival... but not like this.

She'll never know why seven weeks after your creation, your existence simply stopped. She had heard your heart beat three days earlier. She had shared your first picture with the other mothers.

She was one of them when you were here. She belonged. You determined a new identity for her, one that cannot be reversed. After you slipped away she felt displaced. She is your mother and you are her child, in life and in the other. Your mother knew you, how could she not? You didn't exist to the rest of the world, but you did to her. She wept as she returned it all: the bottles, the diapers, the blanket. You carved an emptiness into her heart, that only you could fill.

It's been three years, but she'll never forget the early birthday that took you. Today she is waiting, not for you, but for another. The very God that fashioned you has given her a second child, your brother or sister, your friend. I prayerfully watch over them.

© 2011 Bailey Moore

Sure I'm Insured...

For the past month, Brandon and I have not been as careful as usual. According to him we aren't trying to have a baby, but we aren't not trying... of that I am certain. He suggested that we begin looking at the cost for maternity insurance. Right now I have student insurance through school, but it covers bare minimum, and does nothing for the pregnant student. Also, my insurance policy will expire when I graduate in less than two months. According to Blue Cross and Blue Shield, the process of having a baby (doctor appointments, ultrasounds, prenatal care, and delivery) costs an average of $20,000. With insurance, it costs an average of $6,000. So we can't afford not to have coverage in the event that we are blessed with a child. Unfortunately this peace of mind will cost around $300 a month. I don't see how we can spare that much every month. I worry that we'll get the insurance and then lose it by missing a payment. I worry that if we don't get insurance, I won't have access to the kind of care the baby and I need during the pregnancy. What if we get the insurance and spend all of this money to find out ten years down the road that I am barren and that we wasted our hard earned money and missed out on other opportunities because of my foolish insistence on maintaining a healthcare plan that I never needed?

God I have to place this all in your hands. I have no faith in myself or my own methods of planning, but I trust you with this most precious of events. God provide for my baby all things needed. Let your face shine on the arrival of this little one. God please protect my child from any harm that might be caused from the things I cannot afford. A verse just came to my mind.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5

I trust you Father, and you will make my paths straight. I know that you always keep your word and you never falter on a promise. I don't know when I will be pregnant, but I believe that it will happen soon, and that you will care for my family more than I ever could. God, I believe your word and know it to be true.

Once Upon a Friendship...

Back in high school, I had a best friend named Carla. She was two years older than me. I think we were so close because we both came from broken families and could relate to each other's pain. It wasn't the healthiest basis for a friendship, but we really loved each other. After she left for college I didn't hear from her for a long time. I thought she'd forgotten about me. We spent time together over her winter break, but then when she went back to school I became invisible again. It made me feel horrible, but I never told her. She knew me so well, couldn't she see how she was hurting me? I guess she couldn't.

By the time I left for college it had been years since we'd seen one another. We both found other friends and had our own lives, our own separate lives. I met someone, fell in love and got engaged. I thought about Carla every once in a while and looked at her facebook page. She seemed so happy in her life without me. I was doing fine without her. When it came time to send out wedding invitations I kept the one I intended to send her. I was afraid she wouldn't come. I didn't want to be rejected again. It was a decision I would come to regret.

A few months after the wedding I got a message from Carla. It was short and direct: "Pretty sad I never got an invite." I realized that I had hurt her in the same way that she had hurt me. She had seen our wedding pictures, the ones with us celebrating with our new friends from college. Now she was feeling rejected, replaced. How could I have done this to her? It was so thoughtless of me.

Today I asked her to forgive me. I don't know if she is capable of that yet. I don't think I would be. I just hope that my past actions have not lead her to question her worth. Her friendship was the most precious thing I've ever known. She will always be dear to me.