Pots and Kettles

My fellow Christians keep ruining my faith in humanity. Over the weekend I attended a mother daughter banquet at a small church. The guest speaker shared her personal testimony and it was authentic, moving, and the spirit of God was all in it and through it. Her message left an impact, but then she rambled on and began undoing her own credibility. She began talking about her homosexual son, and how she emails him every week and tells him to repent of his ways. And then I started thinking, if Jesus kept repeatedly telling the hors and tax collectors that they were acting like a bunch of hors and tax collectors, he probably wouldn't have been welcomed to eat with them. He spent time with them. He knew them. He loved them. He embraced them, sin and all. I mean, if anyone could call another person a sinner, it was the perfectly sinless Jesus. So I'm listening to this woman say that she loves her gay son but routinely reminds him of his transgressions, as if he had forgotten. And I'm looking around to see the crowd respond to this, and they do so with an APPROVAL(?) of her broken record technique. And it was so broken. Isn't her righteous pride an equal stumbling block to any other sin? Does one sin not carry the same weight as another? A total pot calling kettle.

Halfway to Motherhood

I'm 19 weeks pregnant! I can't believe how much I love this kid already. Today as I was eating lunch, my little one kicked constantly, as if to say, "mmmm  I love this stuff, keep eating mama!" Who knew that Beef O' Roni would be such a big hit?

Last weekend I went shopping with my mom and aunt. I ended up buying a bassinet for my little one. I brought it home and set it up by my side of the bed. I check it every morning just in case I might find a baby in there. Hey, you never know!

I'm feeling very connected to my parents lately. I guess I understand them a little better now that I'm becoming one myself. I've gotten to the point where I really love spending time with them and hearing their advice. As I get older (and hopefully wiser) I'm seeing that I have made some huge mistakes in my life. I wish my baby could have a perfect mom, but I'm so far from it. I know one day this kid is going to figure that out, and it's terrifying. What if (s)he loses respect for me... or worse, what if (s)he loses love for me?

All I know is, there is no possible way that I can do this on my own. So God, if you're reading, please help!

Letter to My Love

Sweet Honey,
You were the first one to take up residency in my place. I told my parents all about you and showed your picture to my friends. Everyone thought you were great. I still do, but I haven't seen you in weeks. I have trouble sleeping now and my appetite has left me. I guess that's why I've been so emotional lately.

I remain totally committed to you, to this. Constantly, I find myself worrying about you. I wonder if you are okay, if you've had enough time to figure yourself out yet.

I'll see you again in a few weeks, when the proper amount of time has passed. I know you'll be a completely different person by then, and I can't wait to re-meet you. I love you, baby. I always will.

Until the Next Ultrasound,
Mom


Yep, I'm pregnant! I'm so excited about this baby! Please keep us in your prayers.

A New Friend In the Kingdom

Brandon and I had the pleasure of meeting a guy named Hayward, on Thursday. He will be a new student at Western this year. His family lives in Florida, and they brought him to Cullowhee on June 16th so he could attend orientation. I got to meet his mom and younger brother. They are a great family who loves God more than I can express. They walk by faith and not by sight as you'll see in the next few paragraphs. His mom thought she could let him stay until his summer classes start on July 5th. Hayward had been contacted by a football coach and told to come to Western and be a walk-on (meaning he would try out for the team). When Hayward arrived he called the coach who now says that the team is full and he is out of luck, to go back to Florida. Hayward and his mother agreed that he should stay in Cullowhee to try and meet the coaches and somehow find a way onto this team. Hayward has been called to be a professional athlete by God, and he believes that with faith and obedience, God will make a place for him on the team. 

WCU legally cannot house anyone who is not taking classes, training as an athlete with the permission of the coach, or working on-campus, so Hayward's mom found a hotel for him to stay in and bought him some snacks from the dollar store. The hotel he was staying at is cheap in every since of the word (extremely sketchy) and around 2 miles from campus. For 6 days he walked around our campus praying to God and on the 7th day he ran into my boss, Bryant. Bryant recognized him from orientation and remembered that he needed a place to stay. After hearing Hayward's story, he gave him a room in our on-campus hotel. Having no connections in NC and no vehicle, Hayword asked me if I knew of anyone who might help him move his stuff onto campus. I called Brandon, knowing that he wouldn't answer since he would be at work. Oddly enough, he answered. I told him that I had a student in a strange situation who needed help moving onto campus, but I couldn't go into too much detail. Right before I called, Brandon's boss had asked him to go home early so they could save on payroll. I know that was the Lord's timing. He came straight over to meet Hayword and help. When Brandon was done he said, "That kid is really on fire for the Lord!" 

We found out later that same day that Hayward will not have a meal plan until his classes start on July 5th. So we invited him out to dinner. At dinner he told us his testimony and asked about ours. It was such a great time of fellowship and I could recognize the Lord's presence in him. His family had been homeless a few years ago, he had been stabbed and almost lost his life. The pieces were really adding up now. His love for God runs deep because he lived in a hopeless situation and God still provided for him, his mom, and brother. His faith had been tested and he came out stronger than ever. He told us about his past seven days. How his food was running out and that he had been living off of a few pretzels, but he was still praising God for those couple of pretzels he had left, knowing that God would replenish his food when he needed it. As he was telling us this, he had no idea that Brandon and I had already made plans to take him grocery shopping after dinner. He was so excited, not by the promise of food, but by the power of God's hand in his life! We had our grocery list with us and just told him to grab whatever he wanted and put it in the cart. How cool is it that our grocery bill was actually ten dollars cheaper than what we normally spend on ourselves (this bill included our week's worth of groceries and his week's worth too). 

We invited Hayward to our home for dinner on Saturday night, and when we went to pick him up Brandon said, "Hayword, do you have any clothes that need washing?" I was so impressed with Brandon's attentiveness, as I hadn't even thought about this. Hayward didn't have any money for laundry and it had been building up. He was waiting on his aunt to send him a few dollars so he could do laundry. Brandon told him to bring it over and he was able to do all of his laundry at our place. During dinner Brandon said, "Hayward, do you have school supplies? We have some extras and we aren't in school anymore." Hayward had zero school supplies. Can you tell that God provides for this kid? He really does!

Hayward is actively looking for a student-worker position and has sent his football film (footage of his best plays) directly to the head coach. Today he went to church with us and got to meet all of our friends. He fits in just like family.

I just had to share his story with all of you. And I'm praising God right along with him for everything He has brought Hayward through. 

"We lost everything..."

Last week a horrible storm came through our little town. Many people had property damage caused by fallen trees and limbs. The power was out for days. I called my mom to talk about it and when she asked if we were able to salvage our cold food I replied with, "We lost everything." I was referring to all the frozen chicken and beef, the milk, eggs, yogurt, and breakfast meats, all the sandwich meat, and the cheeses too.

Yesterday we took Brandon's parents out to lunch in honor of Father's Day. While we were waiting for out party to be escorted to a table, a woman approached Brandon and asked if he had a dollar he could give to her. We had no cash and apologized, but moved on pretty quickly and she turned to ask another. I recognized her as one of the homeless women in the area. I watched as she asked each family for some money. She looked so young, so capable. Why was she living on the streets? She must be around my age. Why would she accept begging as a lifestyle? As we ate lunch I couldn't help but think about how I should have invited her to join us. To ask her about herself. To pray over her. I did none of these things.

I remembered back to what I had told Mom earlier that week, "We lost everything." We lost so little in comparison to this young woman. She had obviously come from a decent home, as her hair still had beautiful braiding and dye. She had manners and seemed educated. What did she lose to get here? I don't know what the answer is to that... but I'll bet it really was everything she had. Yesterday I neglected the hungry, and I am ashamed of myself for it. I hope I get the chance to help her again one day. Believe me, next time I will.

As We Find Our Way

For months we've been begging for some guidance, or maybe a sign from above. Our lease is coming to an end in about five weeks and with no idea where God is calling us to go, I've felt stranded and hopeless. Where will we live? Will we be able to find two decent jobs? How are we going to move our stuff?

Brandon and I had put in dozens of job applications all across the state, but it seemed as if our efforts were not paying off. And then yesterday, he got an email. It was from Cook Out's corporate office. They had seen his resume and wanted to talk to him about a management position. He hadn't even applied, and they were seeking him out. He will be contacting the company this week, and he is very interested in the position. He looked at the salary that Cook Out typically pays store managers and it seems incredibly generous. It is four times our current combined income. We could pay off our student loans and save around 20% for a down-payment on our home within a two year span. And this projection doesn't include how much I will be making. I'm finally filling good about this move. Even if this job doesn't pan out for Brandon, I feel like we can handle this now.

A few weeks ago my mom mentioned that I was graduating with a business degree. She was speaking to  her supervisor, who then informed her that they have openings in another office and if I could send her my resume, being the daughter of a very respected employee like my mom would pretty much get me the job. Ironically, the position with Cook Out and the position with my mom's company are only thirty minutes apart. Today I'm praising the Lord for providing us with a destination. I'm going to apply for the position with my mom's company, and we've already looked online at some apartments which are surprisingly affordable and in safe neighborhoods. It's so wonderful to have a direction. And I have to say, I never saw myself living in Greensboro, but now that it's on the table, I love the idea of being close to both families (mine and Brandon's).

Psalm 31:3
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me

A Love That Surpasses Knowledge

Yesterday I went to a last minute baby shower. The mother, Megan, got pregnant out of wedlock. Both she and the baby's father, John, are teens. They got married a few months ago and today they have a two-week old. I'll admit that their situation is not ideal. John's mother attended the shower, but it was obvious that she was not there to support her son and his new wife. It seemed that we were honored with her presence for two reasons. The first, so that she could see her grandson, since it seems she isn't invited to do so on a regular basis. The second, to get credit with the church for attending. At the beginning of the shower when someone volunteered to hold the newborn as Megan prepared her own plate, the grandmother quickly announced that she would take the baby, "I'm the grandmother after all." I could tell that this made Megan particularly uncomfortable, but she allowed her mother-in-law to snatch the little boy from her arms. They didn't speak to each other at all, and even though it's customary for families to be seated close to one another, the grandmother sat on the other side of the room, making critical remarks on how this child (her daughter-in-law) hadn't even attended enough baby showers to know that she should pass her opened gifts around for the guests to ooh and aww over.

I can't help but wonder how this shower could have gone if Megan and John had been married at the time of conception, or if the grandmother was capable of forgiving this ten month grudge. What if they had worked things out before the baby arrived? Their relationship would be so much better. Now the family is separated by hurt. Megan is seen as a worthless by John's mother, and she is seen as judgmental and cruel by Megan. After seeing this interaction, I realized that even something as innocent and sweet and refreshing as a baby could not save their tattered relationship. What if, even in a situation this close to home, they could love like Christ? His love is redeeming, not condemning.

Ephesians 2:17-19
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

It even surpasses the knowledge of our sins.